Holliday cheers!

So I have been thinking a lot lately. I know its a bad idea (but fuck it right?) So anyway its the holiday season and it get's people thinking, so I'm thinking too. And I'm just going to say it. I know it's been on everyone's mind, so I'll just say it. God didn't create this world. Satan did. This world is filled with ass-holes. There is constantly war going on somewhere. People, good people, are always suffering, for no reason. Maybe a gentle and pure God made worlds somewhere, I'm sure that that happened. There are billions of multiple planets out there filled with really great creatures and they really love each other, maybe. Its just that it is not the case here. We're just not that way. We were all created by the devil. God did leave one son here; one being, and we brutally tortured him BEFORE murdering him. And now to celebrate his birth we go out of our way to worship a demigod, dressed up in red, living at the top of the world (the North Pole) aided by magic elves, somehow mystically producing brand-name products to be delivered with the help of supernatural deer. Why does God hate us? Well I guess I don't know.
Merry Christmas
-John Nicoll
P.S. Happy Holidays

The Case Against Being a Cowboy (or) Why I No Longer Choose To Be One (or) How I Learned the Lesson

So, turns out its pretty much totally true what they say about sticking the fork in there not being such a good idea. So, I'm at work today and my boss has me cleaning up in front of the shop. Only problem is he hasn't told me a note or two about where to put anything. So there I am just making piles of things kind of placing them randomly just wherever, out of the way, i don't know. Usable pieces of shiny sort of metally looking things in one bucket. Another bucket for the not so useful stuff. etc. ad infinitum. But let me get back to my story. So I guess what happens, and the doctor fellow explained to me later. You can trust them 'cause they have degrees. (Degrees=smart). Well I guess what happens is that cord that you plug into the wall, well, there's electricity constantly! running through it. Its what powers the toaster, though to be honest this may be true for a lot more appliances around the house than anyone imagines. But let me get back to it. When you stick the fork in there the electricity runs really really fast up the fork into YOU!! And you can't outrun it. Its That fast. Anyway it makes like the taste of peanut butter or batteries or whatever in your mouth and you start to feel all cold or like a big jolt of energy or something. And its not totally unpleasent the taste. But ALL I'd really have to do is go to any store really. Now it might MIGHT be cheaper with the fork idea, but if you must taste peanut butter and you really can't afford it. Call me. Please. I will buy it for you. I'll give you a ride to the store even. Now apparently this phenomenon can occur with, and will occur with a whole laundry list of household appliances, more than anyone realizes. A washer dryer setup in fact. The reason it happens so much more often with a toaster is because its the morning time, because you're tired and hungry, because you feel you just Must have that toast right off. No waiting, right out of the gate. But if it does manage to get itself stuck in there all you have to do is to remember to first unplug the toaster (or toaster oven), turn it over so the toast retrieval end is f acing Down, and then just vigorously shake the thing. Toast delivered. front and center. pronto. Please, don't be like me. Don't be all impulsive. Don't be a cowboy.

9:30 AM (so early)

Wellt I fucked up my internet again, and I don't care what this post is telling you, but its about nine and a half in the morning (so heart-sickeningly early). And this GD toaster is acting up again. And I know what they say about it (jamming the fork in there to get the toast unstuck). That you might get electrocuted or whatever. But (god's be damned), I'm going for it. I'm so madingly hungry for this damned toast, and who gives a fuck anyway, right? I'll put some jelly on there, maybe some peanut butter, who know's?, When its done I'll cut straight away to the good part. Cheers to a new job, right? Thanks
John

Shout Outs

I would like to thank everyone who has supported my blog in the past. I couldn't have done it without you. To all the folks at Markumup Press to my friends and family, the people at Sony everyone at Silent Screens, the Bellagio Hotel and Casino, Stax, Larry David, my good friend David Beckham, Jesus, Tom Brady, Will Smith (big willy style 4eva!), all the dot com's, the economy, glue, pencil, words and letters, jell-o, beer, camping, eyes, x, maybe, toast, yarn, good, cereal, spel cheker, learning, merlinfinity, porn, zzx, abbreviations, semi-colon;, hardcore porn, street light, dog, television, being there, getting there, top, yo-yo, noon, moon, soon, toon, woon, doon, zoon, the Wu-Tang Clan, Nancy Reagan, Betty Paige, merlinfinity, porn, Moses, computer, internet, Ohio, Barrack (first name basis.), Team Sylvia, PitGear(keep it brutal!!), sandwich, heavy, all the little people, to the people or things I forgot; you know I still love ya!, you've all been a big part of my life; my heart to you all, and last but not least God, you've been my strength when I was weak.